I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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