I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
