I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
