i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
