I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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