So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
