But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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