I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
