Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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