I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
