Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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