so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
