Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
