I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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