There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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