hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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