Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
