I am puke
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
