So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
