please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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