Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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