News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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