So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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