I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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