He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
