I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
