you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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