her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
