I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
