I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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