Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
