i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
