So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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