I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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