I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
