Kareoke will never be a sober sport
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
