Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
