if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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