is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
