in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
