dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
