They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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