I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
