problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
