Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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