The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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