So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
