There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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