Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
