I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
