Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
