You work out of a Hotel?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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