it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
