you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
