Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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