Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
