Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
