I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
