just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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