did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
