physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
