i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
