how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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