I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
