Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
