he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
